Wedding Dilemna

[khaskett]

I have a real wedding dilemna and I really need some advice. My daughter got engaged at the beginning of March. We ordered her wedding dress on March 18 and I have been purchasing some items here and there since then. We have already paid out about $2,000 for dress, deposits for the location, photographer, DJ, cameras, some decorations, etc. Two days ago I find out that my daughter and her fiance actually went to the courthouse on March 17 and legally got married but kept this from us. I don't care that they got married, just that they deceived us. I feel like they deceived us so we would continue paying for the wedding. Now they expect to still have the original planned wedding and my husband is so hurt that he refuses to fork out another dime. I completely feel the same and understand how he feels, however, I also know that my daughter wants the ceremony and to be able to wear her dress, etc. I'm really torn. To complete the wedding as planned would cost approximately another $2500. Everyone I've talked to agrees with my husband. Help! Can anyone out there offer me any advice or tell me how you would feel or how you would handle a situation like this?

Thank you so much

[Lady PP]

I would sit down with my daughter and tell her what you have stated here. Try to be honest without being hurtful. Although I have attend full blown weddings for people who eloped, the usual appears to be at least a reception to honor the happy couple. Maybe a simple blessing ceremony where the couple write and share their own vows would be nice followed by the reception. Try to talk to your husband about at least providing a reception and agreeing to alter the budget to the money spent already. If, the couple wants more suggest they provide for some of the expense. Also remeber pictures are very important. But, don't pay for a full package for any wedding. My son's in-laws paid over a $1,000 dollars for badly cropped photos where nobody was in the center of the picture and cropped off my son's head in one. Maybe have a few pictures of the couple taken professionally and bring your own cameras for the remaining photos. Maybe your daughter could borrow a dress or look on e-bay for one she likes at a discounted price. Invitations can be easily made at home. The most unusual but yet attractive invitation I received was a photo of the couple with the invitation printed on velum. They had punched holes in the top of both and tied a bow through the top to hold them together. Plan a summer wedding and use whatever is blooming for your flower arrangements. Or Wal-mart always has fresh flowers. In the crafts section they have the foundation for bouquet holders and create your own. Or wrap ribbon around the stems leaving long tails and use that as your bouquet. Whatever you decide remeber you want to honor your daughters wedding someway, but it doesn't necessarily have to cost you a fortune.

[khaskett]

Thank you so much for your response. I think we might be able to use some of your suggestions and still honour our daughter. I really appreciate your advice.

[hames]

Hello,
Tell her, as great as the offer was and we would've been delighted to have them play but we already had a band set up for the wedding.

It's not like you think his band sucks or anything, you had other plans and your mindset was already in another place.

Your wedding is about making you and your fiance happy, not making others happy. If you do all then thats awesome but focus on yourselves first.


Thanks
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[ardensmith]

There's no obligation for you to buy a present to any wedding, whether you attend or not. I know most people do, and most expect it, but you don't have to. In the case of a wedding you aren't attending, of a person you've never met? No gift. This is one of the worst cases of gift grubbing I've ever heard. Your only obligation to this wedding is to RSVP in a timely manner, that you will be unable to attend. No explanation is required. If the classmate is crass enough to bring up that you didn't give a gift, just brush off her comments and change the subject. Personally, I wouldn't even send a card in this case, since you've never even met the happy couple.

Thanks

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[sam74]

Hello, Congratulation for your daughter engagement. I am very late replying but it is very great news for us. I hope her marriage was going superb and she is so happy with him.

Cheers!
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